Many of us have the same friend who, falling into his “sore” topic, cannot stop. “No, well, you imagine …” – the narrative familiar to the nervous tick begins. And we no longer imagine how to represent the same thing in one hundred and eighteenth time. It’s just that she works inherent in each of us mechanism of fixation on unjustified expectations. In the most severe, pathological case, this fixation can develop into obsession.

We are both victims and hostages of our own expectations: from people, from situations. We are more familiar and calmer when our picture of the world “works”, and we will interpret events in all our might in the key understandable for us. We believe that the world is functioning according to our internal laws, “predict” it, it is clear to us – at least as long as our expectations come true.

If we are used to seeing reality in black colors, we are not surprising that someone is trying to deceive us,

robbing us. But to believe in the act of goodwill does not work. Pink glasses just stain the world in more cheerful tones, but the essence does not change: we remain captive of illusions.

Disappointment – the path of fascinated. But we are all fascinated, without exception. This world is insane, many, incomprehensible. Sometimes the basic laws of physics, anatomy, and biology are violated. The most beautiful girl in the class suddenly turns out to be smart. Dvutsniki and loales – successful startups. And the excellent student who gave hopes, who was prophesied by achievements in the field of science, is mainly engaged in his personal plot: he is already good.

Perhaps this is the uncertainty that makes the world so bewitching and frightening. Children, lovers, parents, close friends. How many people do not live up to our expectations. Our. Expectations. And this is the whole salt of the question.

Expectations are only ours, and no one else. A person lives the way he lives, and to appeal to a feeling of guilt, honor and duty – the last thing. Seriously – no “as a decent person you owe …” no one owes us anything. It’s bitter, sad, insulting. This knocks the soil from under the feet, but it is true: no one here owes anything to anyone.

I admit, this is not the most popular position. And yet in a world where the government acts in defense of hypothetically offended feelings, here and there voices sound: we are responsible for our feelings ourselves.

The one who owns expectations and is responsible for the fact that they did not justify themselves. Other people’s expectations do not belong to us. We simply have no chance to match them. So, others have the same.

Let’s not forget: from time to time and you and I do not live up to other people’s expectations. Faced with accusations of selfishness and irresponsibility, make excuses, argue and try to prove anything uselessly. All we can say: “I’m sorry that you are so upset. I’m sorry that I did not live up to your expectations. But I’m like that. And I do not consider myself an egoist. And it hurts me that you consider me like that “. It remains only to try to do what is in our power. And hope that others will do the same.

Not to live up to other people’s expectations and get disappointed by ourselves – it is unpleasant, sometimes even painful. Broken illusions cause damage to self -esteem. The staggered foundations make you reconsider your eyes, your intellect, the adequacy of the perception of the world. What we choose: accuse others or doubt our own adequacy? The pain places on the scales the two most significant values – our self -esteem and significance of another person.

Ego or love? There are no winners in this battle. Who needs a strong ego without love, who needs love, when you consider yourself anyone? Most sooner or later falls into this trap. We get out of it scratched, dented, lost. Someone calls to see a new experience in this: oh, how easy it is to judge from the outside!

But one day wisdom overtakes us, and with her acceptance. Subsided with ardor and the ability not to expect from another miracles. Love in him a child whom he once was. See in it the depth and wisdom, and not the reactive behavior of the creature who fell into the trap.

We know that our loved one is more and better than this particular situation, which once disappointed us so much. And finally we understand that our control capabilities are not limitless. We allow events to just happen to us.